Today is boring. Not going to semi. I is confused.

Late last night, I was talking to Lisa- a new friend of mine at school- on Myspace, and she asked me if I would go to semi if she had an extra ticket. I said yeah, and I'm not sure if she meant she had an extra ticket or not. Tickets aren't sold at the door.

Whatevs though. I gave her my phone number, just in case. I'm feeling super paranoid, and I don't even have a dress.
WELL....if she does call me about an extra-ticket, I'll tell her it's too late notice.

I'm not a happy Keisha. I feel as if I'm ruining my weekends and my "precious teen years", as my parents say.
It just makes me even more depressed. I just want to curl into a ball and cry. I feel so weak. I can't do anything. I need something to protect me. I just don't know what.

And I want to get my Life On The Murder Scene dvd from the CD store at the mall that I put on hold a few days ago sometime today. I sort of want to do something productive. I just don't know.

*angst

Tsk, tsk, tsk....

My moods have been bouncing around like a mother-fucker. Been reading up online about major depression and post-truamatic stress disorder (I have both), crying my eyes out (usually for no appararent reason) being in writers block, trying to keep up with school, and that's pretty much it.

Sadly, I can't go to the semi formal. I didn't buy a ticket. There only sold at school, I forgot my money today, couldn't buy one, and they're not sold at the door for semi. So, I not going to semi formal.

You should really check out this one band called A Thorn For Every Heart. I love there song "Worthless".
I've been fucking OWNING Limewire, and trying to find as many MCR quotes as possible.

Better news....I've made friends with a very nice girl in my grade named Lisa. She's very similar to me. Dark, loves MCR, writes. It's perfect. She might be able to understand me! (I feel like none of my non-online friends understand me)

Some girls in my Spanish class keep calling me Emo. I don't really care.

Sorry, a bit-off-topic post, yeah.
Short and to the point.

I'm off to take a nap. Sleep is good.

EDIT




^^^^^Here's what I ordered online from MCR online store and got in the mail on Friday.....

And, and!...
http://www.mychemicalromance.com/blog/gerard/new-song-today

Oh, bloggy, bloggy.
School's sorta being a bitch to me, and I plan to punch homophobes in the face if they comment negatively about non-straight people near me.Still arguing with that bitch on Polyvore. Now she's leaving me alone though. Aft\ter I called her some not-so-nice things she's leaving me alone. Woo!
I won't let anyone stomp on me. I'm not weak. Not anymore.

On a....nicer note, school was actually pretty good today. My flash drive looks like a tazor, and I read The History and Punk Music (and found MCR and Thursday in it *squeals), and today's my last day in Gym before I switch to heath tomorrow. We played tug of war and dogeball in Gym today, and I'm working on plot zebras (I love zebras) are attacking me- telling me to write MCR slash. Mmmm......

I had piano lessons tonight, and it was awesome. I learned some new techniques at karate tonight. My cuttng from six days ago is leaving nice scars. :)

Sadly for karate, we have to wear short-sleeves, but I mangage to hide my cuts and scars, and no one mentions my arms to me, so that's sorta good.
I love the scars. Mmmmmmmmmm........I just don't feel like cutting now. MCR is on my side.

My Chemical Romance goodness!

My brother is feeling alot better now.
Yesterday, I got my MCR hoodie and MCR messenger bag in the mail. (squeals) Which made me a happy Keisha! xD
And I'm trying to learn MCR songs on piano, but I can't seem to find the sheet music. :(
And I MAY do a picture post sometime today.....
:)

Listening to Hawthorne Heights, Thursday, and some old Fall Out Boy on iTunes in my room.
Fall Out Boy went mainstream-ish. :(
I like FOB's old songs.
And my brother's sick. He came home early. He has a fever. :(

I'm still alive, kiddos.
In Spanish, we're studying adjectives, and today we had to say adjectives in Spanish to describe these people that the teacher printed out. We pounded The Jonas Brothers.
XD
Oh! Family based is here!

Karate went okay I guess.
I think everything was talking about my cut-up arms.
They saw them, but by accident.
Meh, it's nice that they care.
I sparred twice.
I sparred a purple belt I don't know and lost, and then I sparred Jed- a kid in my grade who keeps making fun of MCR and making Emo jokes at me.
i attacked and owned him.
Katie (a black belt girl also in my grade) said I assasinated him.
Hehehehe....
And some guys were throwing sparr gear at Jed and I (mostly Jed) while we were sparring.
It was pretty funny, and mom hasn't saw my cuts. :)
That's good, cause I don't want another argument.
It just upsets me more.

Mwahahaha!
I'm back again.
I have karate tonight. 6-7PM
I have to put up with Emo and cutting jokes, and they make fun of my fave bands- even MCR!
I swear tonight I'll deck them if they mention MCR.
Or any of the bands I like for that matter.
RAWR!
I'm in a bad mood.
Mom just came home, and i have to go eat dinner.
Go me for finished all my homework tonigh!!!!!!!
YUHHHH!
Mood change?

What do you do to cheer you up when you're sad/alone/depressed?

MAY TRIGGER

Well, this is MY blog, to post whatever the fxck I want!
Well.....
Yesterday afterschool, I cut myself 9 times with a pair of sissors.
Well, not all of them were cuts though.
Mom says my arms look nasty.
Fuck you then.
She doesn't have to like them BUT I DO. I love the scars it leaves.
But today, I wore rubber bands around my wrists to school. It's an alternative to Self Harm/cutting.
I feel very alone at school. My family are the only ones that love me.
None of my very few friends were at school today, and I think Tiffany's mad at me for some reason.
Was it cause I broke up with her?
idk.
So, now I'm having my own anti -semi formal.
I'm not going. :(
Any ideas what I could do?
*sighs
It's so hard. But at least I can free myself online, in writing, and in Photography/art.
I've been writing tons of poetry for English.
I might post some on here, maybe not.
Here's a link for a blog I use more often...
http://tornblackrose.livejournal.com

AND I'm stressing over my grades. Reports are soon, and all these counselors are pounding me with notices. Just knock it off already!
I FUCKING know.
You already told me once.
But now, you're calling my parents at home?!
WTF? Stay the fuck out of my family.
I know what I'm doing, damnit!
ARGH!

I didn't mean to neglect you.

Mydarkenedrainbow (tornblackrose) IS back.

I've got bad news.......

1. Tiffany and I broke up

On Thursday, we broke up. She had just got a boyfriend too (she still wanted to go out with me too), and I didn't know what I should have done. It's hard with her having me AND a boy-friend- both relationships. So now, I guess I'll be having anti semi or something.

:(

And I've resorted back to cutting again, sadly. Although it's been a few days.....

In real life, I have Stephani and DeAdda. I'm just not very social, and I'm too shy to make any plans. Texting isn't really an option though. Steph got her cell phone taken from her, and it's a little awkward with DeAdda. Usually, she just sends back one or two word replies.

Both of them are awesome though. Both of them comforted me when Tiffany and I broke up at school. Steph doesn't know the whole story though.

Yesterday we had no school. I've just been sitting on my lazy ass online. Polyvore, looking at TONS of Polyvore sets, pwning LimeWire, YouTube, writing, plot lines, play-lists, and a bunch of other things.

Although today I bought the MCR DVD "Things That Make You Go Mmmm". It's pretty good.

My throat hurts right now, and a few days ago, I also had a psychiatrist appointment. I'm getting weaned off the Zoloft, my Serequeol was increased to 150mg, and I have to see my psychiatrist again in two weeks. I think I need my Lamictal increased.

Without Zoloft, I just feel dead/empty.

Well.....
My life has taken a turn for the awesome.
On Thursday, Tiffany (she's in my emotional support class) asked ME to the semi-formal and to go out on a date. I said YES!
Thursday and Friday- I spent a ton of time with her.
We're now girl-friends- as in a relationship.
My parents are giving me all this critism shit.

This is a relationship just like everyone else's.

And yesterday, Tiffany and I actually kissed. Just quickly though.
And tomorrow we're supposed to go to the mall together....

She lives in a group home, and this weekend she was on her home visit (she lives where I live) with her mom, so she couldn't really call or anything today.

AH! I'm so excited!

Fuck yeah!

No school today cause of an ice storm and all the snow. I love it.

Today, I plan to chill and pwn LimeWire. And read random blogs too.... And I'll probably shovel snow too. Yep.

I have a slow social life. And anxiety and depression. I don't usually feel like being around anyone, but I feel a little different somehow. Maybe my pills and therapy. Yeah. I just want to be close to a girl. No closey-wosey to males, please. I had a few bad experiences with males, and I don't want to relive that. I was young and scared. Didn't know what to do or what was happening.

Gah, I'm freaking myself out!

MUSIC LOUDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back to school tomorrow.
But some Oreos put me in a somewhat better mood.
My dad's being a dick.
He was very mad when I slept in until a few minutes before 11AM this morning, and he started screaming at me about that.
And then at breakfast, dad threatened to take me off my medicines (my meds that help me with my depression and anxiety) and he says I look disgusting, because I "torture myself", I'm "covered in scabs" (I'm not really), and he said my lips look disgusting.
Um...I chew my lips as a habit, father.
A HABIT!
Argh.

What do you do to cheer you up when you feel sad?
Lists are appreciated. Thanks.

Happy 2009, everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last night, all the adults went to a bar party or something.

At first, Dillon, my brother, and I were expecting a boring night of watching TV.

Instead we....
-drew on eachother with sharpies, markers, etc
-drew on my cat's belly with marker (we wrote 2009 on his tummy, ha!)
-anarchy signs
-jammed out to Hawthorne Heights, MCR, and MSI
-put glue on our hands and stuff, dried it, and then peeled it off...slowly. We put the peeled off glue in a collection
-I was a cam-whore
-played with kitty
-played Rock Band
-made aluminum foil grills
-looked up pics of scene kids on Photobucket
-had a weird-noise making contest
-pimped out a pair of my old jeans by making holes in the knees (ripping them) and attacking them with paper clips
-gothified (with black lipstick and black eyeliner) this Santa Claus head decoration :D

Last night was SO much fun. We stayed up till 2AM eatting potato chips, drinking soda, watching MTV, and scaring Toby (my cat).

Toby was jumping into doors, and when he was drinking out of the toilet, he fell in. Lolz. lmfao
Today, Dillon and I didn't wake up until noon.
We didn't have to go with everyone else to see everyone in Potter County. :D
We had breakfast (pancakes, chocolate milk, and instead of pancakes I had a yummy toaster strudel), watched Inside Brookhaven Obesity Clinic, and now Dillon's on the computer downstairs and I'm on the one in my room. :)

Dillon is on YouTube and myspace. And I'm blogging and on Polyvore.

Yeah. H

So...happy 2009!