frerard

me

my belt, and my crotch xD

....

Oh fuck.
It's been too fucking long.
And for that, I'm sorry. Forgive me?
I'm back now, no worries.

Anywho, it's summer. YAY!
School doesn't start until September 1st, 2009.
My ninth grade year started on August 26th, 2008.

I got back from vacation in Ocean City on Sunday. I didn't have much fun.
My parents were bitching at me the whole fucking time.

My cousin- Chelsey- went with us on vacation, so it saved me.
Chelsey's been staying at my house, and she's going home today.

Yesterday, I had a psychiatrist appointment.
I'm getting some meds adjusted, and I might have a personality disorder.

Meh, I'm watching MCR music vids on YouTube.
The Black Parade, shame on me. xD

I'm actually finally starting to appreciate the black parade, because I know that it was the black parade that saved many lives.
I know it saved mine. :)

......

Lalalalalalalala...........
My mom watches too much Dr.Phil.
And Doritos hurt my tummy. :(
It's getting warmer in PA, so alot of girls at my school are wearing slutty shorts. *shudders*

xD

The Keisha is sneaking online.............again. :]
I've been talking on the phone to my lovely girlfriend everyday this week. I love her to bits. <3
It makes me quite a happy Keisha.

Last night, my parents (specifically my dad) blew up at me because of my grades, and my dad made me feel like a shitty person. He critisized the way I dress and he thinks MCR is a bad influence on me. Ok then, padre.
But luckily, I talked to someone special <3 on the phone, and she made my dad's words hurt me less.

It's good to feel loved.
I listened to Black Flag for the first time last night on Limewire, and I enjoyed it. I forget the songs I listened to though. Damn.


I'm off to take a walk outside now, with my camera because I found an awesome place to take pics. :)

....

The Keisha is sneaking online yet again.
Still don't have my computer back.
My dad's been trying to talk to me, but no way in hell will I ever trust him again. It's just too much shit my dad put me through, and I don't want to have anything to do with him anymore.
In better news,
I've been using a portable DVD player and I'm allowed to have it in my room, so I've been watching tons of DVDs to pass the time. Although time goes slower when I'm not online.
I have karate tonight, but I really don't want to go.
I have to study for some math test tomorrow and do a science review thing.

I'm afraid of men's deodarent for some reason.
Actually, me and all the other girls I sit with at lunch are afraid of it actually.
lolz Don't ask xD

Hannah makes life worth living, and always puts me in a better mood =]
I'm off to eat ice cream.
Yummy....

Take care everyone <3

........

I am grounded.
My dad took my computer out of my room. :(
It was very scary. My dad and I got in this huge fight on Friday, and he almost hit me. I want my dad out of my life for good. Forever.
I almost did something stupid on Friday. I wasn't thinking clearly.
But I snuck onto AIM, and Hannah's IMs made me feel loved again. <3

Yeah, I chalked (drew) this among other things on my sidewalk a few days ago...

Yes, that be Keisha.

Ok, so today was a very good day.

My parents seem okay with letting me dye my hair different colors.
I want either red, purple, or blue hair- maybe first colored streaks, to see how much I like it.
I have a 20 dollars spencers giftcard that I got for my birthday, so I'm actually gonna use it and buy some cool shit from Spencers.
And I think I may be starting bass lessons soon.
And probably quitting karate to pay for bass lessons.
I want to devote even more time to music.
Karate's been great though, I've been in it for 3 years, but it's just a pain keeping up with, especially during the summer, and I took a 2 month long hiatus from karate back in October, so I have to do a lot of catching up.

Overall though, I'm a very happy Keisha. ^_^

50

Oh yeah, my last post was my 50th post.
Now it's my 51st. Damn.

I really need to take more pics of myself.
And actually not be afraid to post them.

Sing me to Sleep.......

Yep. That line taken from "Asleep" By: The Smiths.
Back to school tomorrow. :(
Swimming class and a science test. :(
My dad's being a dick.
Tomorrow, I'll organize a Bitchfest, where anyone can rant about anything.

On a brighter note, I've got new socks, and Hannah, as well as my other friends make life a little more (or alot more) bearable.
And I'm out of poetry/lyric block as well.....
And, and, and, and, I got a new blank notebook to write more stuff in. Especially lyrics and poetry.
Mmmmm......

.........

I started swimming class at school today.
Luckily, all of us girls have to wear school swimsuits, just these black one-pieces with a slightly open back. Guys have to wear school swimtrunks too.
We're allowed to wear our own swimsuits under the school swimsuits though.
My mom doesn't understand any of this.
In swimming, everyone was looking at my thighs...and my legs. Yes, I've been bad lately.
I found out today that a family member passed away yesterday in a nursing home, so I'll be at a funeral this Friday. :(
I've just been a
TRAINWRECK
all over the place lately.
I haven't been a pleasent person all week, and I don't want to snap at you, and I also don't want my issues to become part of your life.
Fuck. My dad's yelling at my brother. I hate arguments. :/
Things aren't pleasant at home right now. :(

OTHER NEWS.....
-We're learning about the Holocaust in English. It's very depressing, and I almost cried during English class when we were learning about it
- My brother turned 7 years old on 4/4/09. My grandma gave him my grandpa's BB gun. I'm a bit paranoid about my brother with a BB gun.
-I failed a Spanish test with a 66 percent. But I guess it's better than a 56 percent
-Writers Block sucks ass
-Tomorrow we get out of school early for spring break.

Right now, it's hard to find balance.

............

I'm sorry for my haitus.
I may not be able to be online much this week, due to all my....almost failing grades (my parents take grades too seriously), and some other issues in my life I don't wish to discuss.
Rest assured though that I will be safe.
I don't have much time to be online that much right now.
I'll be safe though.
And I hope you all will be safe too.
Take care everyone.
-Keish

Something I've been trying to forget so hard that happened to me in the past was brought back to me at school today. I freaked out.I don't want this to happen ever again. I'm unsure how I'll ever feel safe again. :[

I'm off to burn myself a CD, organize my science notebook, and sleep.Not in the mood to talk right now. I'll be safe tonight though. I promise....

FUCK THE DAILY MAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, so back in May 08, The Daily Mail called MCR, and MCR's fans a "cult" that promotes suicide and self-harm. Fucking ignorant! And a group of "goths" and "emo's" got together to protest against the daily mail.
Clicky VVVVV
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWSFiC3FVoE

:)

Ok, so tonight, for the first time, I was on the phone....with Hanners!It was great! I finally could hear Hannah's voice! My phone anxiety wasn't as bad talking to her.

And then....my phone died...in the middle of everything.I hope she doesn't think I hung up on her. I'm sorry X 69787859 times if this worried her (you, Hannah). I wonder if I should call her back? She was on her dad's cell phone, and she only had 20 minutes.*worry*

.....

I'm still alive.
Math homework + neighbors being at my house (don't ask) + Romeo And Juliet in English
explain some of why I wasn't on tonight.
I'm safe though.
I hope you all are safe too.
<3

Happy pi day!
3.14!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi. I didn’t die yet, and I’m still alive and breathing….sort of.I’m losing my voice, and my voice squeaks alot, so I’m stuck just whispering. Oh well. I don’t talk much anyway.

My brother had his annoying friends at our house. They kept breaking into my room and looking through my shit (stuff). :/I still feel like shit, and I might say fuck it to school tomorrow.

But my cousin- (I’ll just call her C) is coming to my house to stay the weekend. w00t!She lives an hour and a half away. Near Coudersport.My mommy didn’t get home until 5:30ish today, cuz she was visiting my grandma all day. I don’t want to explain about her.

I’ve got a Spanish test tomorrow. But Spanish just comes naturally to me for some reason. I’m in Spanish 1 in school this year. I feel like cutting again. I’m unsure why………………………….

.....

Well I've done it.
I've given into peer pressure, and made a tumblr.
The damn thing's hard to figure out.
I probably won't post much on here.
This is where I am now:
http://alreadydead.tumblr.com/

................

Tonight, my mom took us to the mall. My brother needed a hair cut, so I went into FYE and bought Thursday's new album "Common Existence". w00t!
Prepare for a summary by me of the album soon, m'kay?
I have to get back to my Social Studies terms. Bleh....

......May trigger

I haven't had much time 2 be online lately.
I feel like I have to keep alot of secrets away from my parents.
Family based program seems to be making some of this worse.
Tomorrow, I'm talking to the guidance counselor. *shakes
I went on a walk today and I took some pics before my camera died- batteries depleted. Bleh. I might post some pics on here.

Science is going easier for me, and my science teacher is being less of dick.
Johnathan has his little friends over to our house yesterday and today. It's annoying the shit out of me.
My knuckle is bleeding. idk why. My skin's just weird.

I sorta relapsed afterschool sadly. :(
I was freaking out (I don't really want 2 talk about it), and I grabbed a knife. I was afraid to push to deep, so i ended up with four very shallow cuts on my wrist. They're not that noticable though.

I'm just all paranoid right now.
About my parents finding out something about me and yelling at me about it.
Someone save meh.
I don't have time to be on AIM tonight. :(

.....

I feel very large for some reason. Maybe cuz I got my period. And I'm eatting chocolate like a mo-fo. You probably didnt want to know that.
I'm watching Emo protests against the Daily Mail of YouTube. The protestors get so much love from me, and I wish I could have protested to. But I live in a shitty town in Pennsylvania, where my school is over-loaded with preps, jocks, and the ones that do drugs. nothing against drugs, but they all frown down on me cuz I listen to MCR and stuff.
No one at my school seems to understand about MCR.
I want to switch to a new school.
I hate my school right now.
I've hated it all year actually. I sort of made friends with DeAdda- although she had a criminal record, my parents wouldn't let me hang out with her, and now she's in cyber school.
So now, I eat lunch with kids from my Emotional Support, but my parents refuse to let me do anything outside of school with them.

I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.

..........

My cousin (Chelsey, she's a year older than me), her friend, my aunt, and my grandma came to our house today.
Chelsey wanted to get her belly button pierced but the shitty piercing place in our town no longer pierces underage (under 18), so instead we ate at the DuBois Diner.

My grandma was drunk, and was saying off-the-wall things the whole time.
On the car ride to the car, I said I was vegetarian.
My Grandma: But you can still eat fish and chicken
Me: Umm....no. They're animals

After DuBois Diner, my cousin and her friend hung out in my room, talking about Chelsey's boyfriend, and looking at shit on YouTube.
I made little black eyeliner Xs on my eyes just like Frank Iero does, and my dad freaked out, screamed at me, and said I "look like death" and "there's more colors than black". Quoting him.

Should i take that as a compliment?
Me and my dad can never seem to get along, even with family based.
It sucks.

Warning: Entry contains self-harm talk, May trigger self-harmers....

I'm back, I'm alive, and I'm in one piece....sorta.
Yesterday, I got my mood stabilizer increased. Hopefully it will help.

At school, I have very few friends.
I don't know if I can even call them friends.
One girl is trying to shove relgion down my throat.
One girl is avoiding me for some reason.
My ex-best friends are history.
Although, this one kid named Evan in my Math class. I think he likes me.
In Math today, he talked to me about dreams.

It was nice. Someone actually wanted to talk to me. That's amazing.
I mean in real life, btw.
I know how much y'all love me.
Hanners (lots of hugs)

In Health class, we're talking about suicide. I told Mr.C (health teacher) about To Write Love On Her Arms, he looked it up online, and then told the whole class about what a great organzation it seems/is to be.

It's getting nicer weather outside. However, I leave on my long-sleeves. My scars are still showing. :D
That's a good thing for me. It shows me what I've been through.
i went for a walk afterschool.

Family based program is going....okay-ish.
It's hard to explain what I want to say.

hey

Hey. I just got into an argument with my parents.
I feel like a bitch now, and there's nothing left for me to live for.
I'll try as hard as I can to live through tonight.
I'm weak and vulnerable. And pathetic.

In other news, my mom made a Facebook.

so.....

Last night, after listening to Flyleaf's There For You, I had a breakdown and cried myself to sleep.
I keep having these mood swings. Depressive/suicidal, a bitch, giggly....
I keep trying to find something, to look forward to in the future, but I come back with nothing.
Tomorrow, I go back to school.
Fuck no!

moody

I feel VERY moody tonight for some reason.
Mom bought me a Snickers bar a few hours ago, so that put me in a better mood.
I would say some terrible things about myself here, but I don't want another break-down.

I think I could self-tattoo myself. I would make sure it would be a sanitary as possible.
A girl suggested to me using a needle and eyeliner or something.

Watching random MCR interviews and stuff of YouTube...
Bob: Mikey Way's phone number is- (interrupted)
Mikey: NOOOOO!
lmfao

Kwiz.Biz Kwiz!

What Will My Chemical Romance Try or Do To You?
Name
DOB
Favourite Color
Gerard will do/try to:	Ask Frank to join you and him
Mikey will do/try to:	take a shower with you
Ray will do/try to:	kiss your cheek
Bob will do/try to:	teach you how to hit frank over the head with drumsticks
Frank will do/try to:	sleep with you
They will All do/try to:	Group hug you
This fun quiz by CaN_yOu_StAkE_mY_hEaRt - Taken 8851 Times.

New - Dating Advice written by YOU!

....................

I have so much on my mind right now.
A ton of shit actually.
Should I stop cutting or not?

The Bads (Why I SHOULD stop)
1. uhmm....arguments with my parents
2. uhmmm...
Shit

The Goods (Why I can keep cutting)
I can go on, but I don't want to trigger nor 'promote' self harm
I keep trying to bribe myself to quit.

Like I have enough scars right now, instead of cutting, I'll get a piercing for each goal I make while stopping self harming.

For example:

Goal 1: To go self-harm free for two weeks
(It's very stressful right now, and lots of ppl get depressed in the winter)

My reward: a small piercing
Sorry, I suck at explaining things....

:( Frowns All Around WARNING: MAY TRIGGER

I was in a bad mood, went into a better mood, and now I'm back down.
I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This morning before I left for school, mom sat me down on the couch and started yelling at me cause one of my so-called friends told/called/contacted her, telling I was "engaging in lesbian-like behavior". FUCK OFF!!!!!!
Mom said that I was seen holding hands with another girl. I wasn't.
Maybe a little hug, but that was just what we all do.
And mom said if I was lesbian/bisexual, my family would be crushed.

So I left for school, cried the bus ride there, wrote some of a suicide note in my journal in Science class (no one read it nor saw it), sat through my other classes, cut my wrist only 1x in the school bathroom, cause other people were in the bathroom too before Health class.....

After lunch, I saw Stephani in the halls.
She really seems to like me, and I really like her.
I'm too scared to ask her out though.
I'll think I'll just stay single.

My life sucks because of my parents.
It's because of them, I cut myself. It's because of them, I thought of suicide.
Well, for today at least.

The school has NO RIGHT to invade on my privacy like this, do they?
I'm not even kidding, on Monday, I will curse out the guidance counselor. I KNOW she's been responsible for contacting my mom with all this information. Bitch deserves it. I thought I could trust her. But NO.

Stephani told me to text her. I think I'll be texting her all night. :)
I'm trying to stay alive for Stephy and my online friends.
I plan to stencil some t-shirts with band lyrics/logos and stuff and go to a thrift store or something.
Money's kinda tight at my house right now.

.......

I've been having trouble sleeping lately.
I keep waking up in the middle of the night.

At lunch I sat with a table of Twilight fan-girls. But some of them are nice to me. :)

I wish so much to meet my online friends in real life.
I'm still trying to figure out AIM.
Music (usually MCR) and my online friends always put me in a better mood. I'm trying to stay alive for them.

Quote of today:
"Flying Pez dispenser!"
-Hanners (Hannah)

Someone rescue me.
I trust y'all on Blogger.
western Pennsylvania. For now.

.....

Happy V-Day.
My mom got my brother and I candy for Valentines Day and cards. It was very nice of her.
Just listening to my Behemoth CD right now, and on Polyvore and stuff.
I'm in Writers Block which sucks ass!

Time for a REAL update

Well, this is an update. Finally.
Have been self-harm free for five days now. My moods are still bouncing around like a bitch, and I'm making my mom call my psychiatrist to see if I can get my mood stabilizer increased or something.
But I know pills can only do so much.
People keep staring at the scars on my wrists. For some reason, kids refer to me on the bus as "emo girl". Would they shut the fuck up!
Cutting isn't Emo.
Cutting is a psychiatric problem/disorder that's associated with many disorders- like depression (obviously), personality disorders, eatting disorders, etc.
I had to fill out this emotions questionare thing during math class. The school psychologist came for me the beginning of math class, took me down to one of the conference rooms, and I had to do this question thing with questions such as "I feel worthless"- never, sometimes, often, always and "People tell me I need to pay for attention- never, sometimes, often, or always.
Steve- a kid in Math class, called me Keishkey. :D
We had a pep rally at school today for winter sports. I hate school spirit.
On the bus ride home, just randomly I said "I'm a Mikeysaurus!", and everyone was laughing. xD
I just felt like saying that.
And Hanners (Hannah) is the most awesome girl ever. She always cheers me up, and I can trust her with anything.

...........

My real friends are the ones online.
They always put me in a better mood. If it wasn't for them, I doubt I'd be here right now.

Well I came home early from school today. My stomach and head are being a bitch.

Hi, everyone.
I'm bored, and in semi-writers block.
Yeah.
Black roses ARE AMAZING!
I wonder where I could find some....

I haven't dropped off the face of the Earth. Yet. My mom thought it wise to take away my internet for a few days cause I failed a few tests. I have it back now, and I'm trying to catch up with everything.
Did I miss anything on Polyvore?

My fifteenth birthday is tomorrow. I'm just celebrating it with my family and cousins.
I'm fucking pumped for the new MCR album.
My moods have been bouncing around like a bitch, and I've had friendship problems at school. I might switch to cyber school if things don't turn around soon.

The last cut I made on myself was on Tuesday.
At karate on Wednesday, kids were talking about my wrists. :(

But.....I'm trying to feel safe now. I'm at home now, with my cousins coming soon- either tonight or tomorrow, and all my online friends at my side. I think.

Today is boring. Not going to semi. I is confused.

Late last night, I was talking to Lisa- a new friend of mine at school- on Myspace, and she asked me if I would go to semi if she had an extra ticket. I said yeah, and I'm not sure if she meant she had an extra ticket or not. Tickets aren't sold at the door.

Whatevs though. I gave her my phone number, just in case. I'm feeling super paranoid, and I don't even have a dress.
WELL....if she does call me about an extra-ticket, I'll tell her it's too late notice.

I'm not a happy Keisha. I feel as if I'm ruining my weekends and my "precious teen years", as my parents say.
It just makes me even more depressed. I just want to curl into a ball and cry. I feel so weak. I can't do anything. I need something to protect me. I just don't know what.

And I want to get my Life On The Murder Scene dvd from the CD store at the mall that I put on hold a few days ago sometime today. I sort of want to do something productive. I just don't know.

*angst

Tsk, tsk, tsk....

My moods have been bouncing around like a mother-fucker. Been reading up online about major depression and post-truamatic stress disorder (I have both), crying my eyes out (usually for no appararent reason) being in writers block, trying to keep up with school, and that's pretty much it.

Sadly, I can't go to the semi formal. I didn't buy a ticket. There only sold at school, I forgot my money today, couldn't buy one, and they're not sold at the door for semi. So, I not going to semi formal.

You should really check out this one band called A Thorn For Every Heart. I love there song "Worthless".
I've been fucking OWNING Limewire, and trying to find as many MCR quotes as possible.

Better news....I've made friends with a very nice girl in my grade named Lisa. She's very similar to me. Dark, loves MCR, writes. It's perfect. She might be able to understand me! (I feel like none of my non-online friends understand me)

Some girls in my Spanish class keep calling me Emo. I don't really care.

Sorry, a bit-off-topic post, yeah.
Short and to the point.

I'm off to take a nap. Sleep is good.

EDIT




^^^^^Here's what I ordered online from MCR online store and got in the mail on Friday.....

And, and!...
http://www.mychemicalromance.com/blog/gerard/new-song-today

Oh, bloggy, bloggy.
School's sorta being a bitch to me, and I plan to punch homophobes in the face if they comment negatively about non-straight people near me.Still arguing with that bitch on Polyvore. Now she's leaving me alone though. Aft\ter I called her some not-so-nice things she's leaving me alone. Woo!
I won't let anyone stomp on me. I'm not weak. Not anymore.

On a....nicer note, school was actually pretty good today. My flash drive looks like a tazor, and I read The History and Punk Music (and found MCR and Thursday in it *squeals), and today's my last day in Gym before I switch to heath tomorrow. We played tug of war and dogeball in Gym today, and I'm working on plot zebras (I love zebras) are attacking me- telling me to write MCR slash. Mmmm......

I had piano lessons tonight, and it was awesome. I learned some new techniques at karate tonight. My cuttng from six days ago is leaving nice scars. :)

Sadly for karate, we have to wear short-sleeves, but I mangage to hide my cuts and scars, and no one mentions my arms to me, so that's sorta good.
I love the scars. Mmmmmmmmmm........I just don't feel like cutting now. MCR is on my side.

My Chemical Romance goodness!

My brother is feeling alot better now.
Yesterday, I got my MCR hoodie and MCR messenger bag in the mail. (squeals) Which made me a happy Keisha! xD
And I'm trying to learn MCR songs on piano, but I can't seem to find the sheet music. :(
And I MAY do a picture post sometime today.....
:)

Listening to Hawthorne Heights, Thursday, and some old Fall Out Boy on iTunes in my room.
Fall Out Boy went mainstream-ish. :(
I like FOB's old songs.
And my brother's sick. He came home early. He has a fever. :(

I'm still alive, kiddos.
In Spanish, we're studying adjectives, and today we had to say adjectives in Spanish to describe these people that the teacher printed out. We pounded The Jonas Brothers.
XD
Oh! Family based is here!

Karate went okay I guess.
I think everything was talking about my cut-up arms.
They saw them, but by accident.
Meh, it's nice that they care.
I sparred twice.
I sparred a purple belt I don't know and lost, and then I sparred Jed- a kid in my grade who keeps making fun of MCR and making Emo jokes at me.
i attacked and owned him.
Katie (a black belt girl also in my grade) said I assasinated him.
Hehehehe....
And some guys were throwing sparr gear at Jed and I (mostly Jed) while we were sparring.
It was pretty funny, and mom hasn't saw my cuts. :)
That's good, cause I don't want another argument.
It just upsets me more.

Mwahahaha!
I'm back again.
I have karate tonight. 6-7PM
I have to put up with Emo and cutting jokes, and they make fun of my fave bands- even MCR!
I swear tonight I'll deck them if they mention MCR.
Or any of the bands I like for that matter.
RAWR!
I'm in a bad mood.
Mom just came home, and i have to go eat dinner.
Go me for finished all my homework tonigh!!!!!!!
YUHHHH!
Mood change?

What do you do to cheer you up when you're sad/alone/depressed?

MAY TRIGGER

Well, this is MY blog, to post whatever the fxck I want!
Well.....
Yesterday afterschool, I cut myself 9 times with a pair of sissors.
Well, not all of them were cuts though.
Mom says my arms look nasty.
Fuck you then.
She doesn't have to like them BUT I DO. I love the scars it leaves.
But today, I wore rubber bands around my wrists to school. It's an alternative to Self Harm/cutting.
I feel very alone at school. My family are the only ones that love me.
None of my very few friends were at school today, and I think Tiffany's mad at me for some reason.
Was it cause I broke up with her?
idk.
So, now I'm having my own anti -semi formal.
I'm not going. :(
Any ideas what I could do?
*sighs
It's so hard. But at least I can free myself online, in writing, and in Photography/art.
I've been writing tons of poetry for English.
I might post some on here, maybe not.
Here's a link for a blog I use more often...
http://tornblackrose.livejournal.com

AND I'm stressing over my grades. Reports are soon, and all these counselors are pounding me with notices. Just knock it off already!
I FUCKING know.
You already told me once.
But now, you're calling my parents at home?!
WTF? Stay the fuck out of my family.
I know what I'm doing, damnit!
ARGH!

I didn't mean to neglect you.

Mydarkenedrainbow (tornblackrose) IS back.

I've got bad news.......

1. Tiffany and I broke up

On Thursday, we broke up. She had just got a boyfriend too (she still wanted to go out with me too), and I didn't know what I should have done. It's hard with her having me AND a boy-friend- both relationships. So now, I guess I'll be having anti semi or something.

:(

And I've resorted back to cutting again, sadly. Although it's been a few days.....

In real life, I have Stephani and DeAdda. I'm just not very social, and I'm too shy to make any plans. Texting isn't really an option though. Steph got her cell phone taken from her, and it's a little awkward with DeAdda. Usually, she just sends back one or two word replies.

Both of them are awesome though. Both of them comforted me when Tiffany and I broke up at school. Steph doesn't know the whole story though.

Yesterday we had no school. I've just been sitting on my lazy ass online. Polyvore, looking at TONS of Polyvore sets, pwning LimeWire, YouTube, writing, plot lines, play-lists, and a bunch of other things.

Although today I bought the MCR DVD "Things That Make You Go Mmmm". It's pretty good.

My throat hurts right now, and a few days ago, I also had a psychiatrist appointment. I'm getting weaned off the Zoloft, my Serequeol was increased to 150mg, and I have to see my psychiatrist again in two weeks. I think I need my Lamictal increased.

Without Zoloft, I just feel dead/empty.

Well.....
My life has taken a turn for the awesome.
On Thursday, Tiffany (she's in my emotional support class) asked ME to the semi-formal and to go out on a date. I said YES!
Thursday and Friday- I spent a ton of time with her.
We're now girl-friends- as in a relationship.
My parents are giving me all this critism shit.

This is a relationship just like everyone else's.

And yesterday, Tiffany and I actually kissed. Just quickly though.
And tomorrow we're supposed to go to the mall together....

She lives in a group home, and this weekend she was on her home visit (she lives where I live) with her mom, so she couldn't really call or anything today.

AH! I'm so excited!

Fuck yeah!

No school today cause of an ice storm and all the snow. I love it.

Today, I plan to chill and pwn LimeWire. And read random blogs too.... And I'll probably shovel snow too. Yep.

I have a slow social life. And anxiety and depression. I don't usually feel like being around anyone, but I feel a little different somehow. Maybe my pills and therapy. Yeah. I just want to be close to a girl. No closey-wosey to males, please. I had a few bad experiences with males, and I don't want to relive that. I was young and scared. Didn't know what to do or what was happening.

Gah, I'm freaking myself out!

MUSIC LOUDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back to school tomorrow.
But some Oreos put me in a somewhat better mood.
My dad's being a dick.
He was very mad when I slept in until a few minutes before 11AM this morning, and he started screaming at me about that.
And then at breakfast, dad threatened to take me off my medicines (my meds that help me with my depression and anxiety) and he says I look disgusting, because I "torture myself", I'm "covered in scabs" (I'm not really), and he said my lips look disgusting.
Um...I chew my lips as a habit, father.
A HABIT!
Argh.

What do you do to cheer you up when you feel sad?
Lists are appreciated. Thanks.

Happy 2009, everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last night, all the adults went to a bar party or something.

At first, Dillon, my brother, and I were expecting a boring night of watching TV.

Instead we....
-drew on eachother with sharpies, markers, etc
-drew on my cat's belly with marker (we wrote 2009 on his tummy, ha!)
-anarchy signs
-jammed out to Hawthorne Heights, MCR, and MSI
-put glue on our hands and stuff, dried it, and then peeled it off...slowly. We put the peeled off glue in a collection
-I was a cam-whore
-played with kitty
-played Rock Band
-made aluminum foil grills
-looked up pics of scene kids on Photobucket
-had a weird-noise making contest
-pimped out a pair of my old jeans by making holes in the knees (ripping them) and attacking them with paper clips
-gothified (with black lipstick and black eyeliner) this Santa Claus head decoration :D

Last night was SO much fun. We stayed up till 2AM eatting potato chips, drinking soda, watching MTV, and scaring Toby (my cat).

Toby was jumping into doors, and when he was drinking out of the toilet, he fell in. Lolz. lmfao
Today, Dillon and I didn't wake up until noon.
We didn't have to go with everyone else to see everyone in Potter County. :D
We had breakfast (pancakes, chocolate milk, and instead of pancakes I had a yummy toaster strudel), watched Inside Brookhaven Obesity Clinic, and now Dillon's on the computer downstairs and I'm on the one in my room. :)

Dillon is on YouTube and myspace. And I'm blogging and on Polyvore.

Yeah. H

So...happy 2009!